To the Sandcave!

Today is Lag BaOmer, a minor holiday that, despite having an excellent theme song courtesy of Ren and Stimpy, has never gotten much respect. It is most closely associated with Rabbi Simeon bar Yohai (Rashbi), the 2nd-century Israeli sage who spent 13 years in a cave hiding from the imperial forces of Rome for an injudicious tweet.

R. Judah commenced by observing, "How fine are the works of this people! They have made markets, they have built bridges, they have erected baths." R. Jose was silent. R. Simeon b. Yohai answered and said, "All they made, they made for themselves: markets, to set harlots in them; baths, to rejuvenate themselves; bridges, to levy tolls for them." (Talmud, Shabbat 33b)

Rashbi started a trend of spelean hideouts for honing superpowers and training sidekicks.

Much is made of Rashbi's decade-long stay in the cave with his son, delving into the secrets of the Torah, while buried to their necks in sand and trying desperately to come up with new recipes for carob (this being the tree which miraculously sprang forth to sustain them). However, many ignore what happens once Rashbi finally comes to terms with his new carob- and silicon-free life. 

"Since a miracle has occurred," said he, "let me go and institute something..." Rab said: He instituted coinage for them. Samuel said: He instituted markets for them; R. Johanan said: He instituted baths for them. 

Rashbi, who decried those selfish and greedy Romans for their economic, social and health-care policies, suddenly finds himself putting them into practice. It seems that after all this time (and after enjoying the rejuvenating powers of a bathhouse for himself), he came to terms with modern life. Yes, those hedonistic hegemonists, the Romans, may have developed these institutions for their own benefit, but that should not invalidate them.

This, of course, is still a pressing issue. Some fundamentalists only want to look at the provenance of various innovations, and if a given item doesn't pass the purity test, it's unacceptable. Rashbi teaches us that at the end of the day, it does not matter where technology comes from, but what we do with it.

Musical Healing

Two weeks ago, Brad Paisley and LL Cool J solved racial tensions forever with the smash hit "Accidental Racist.”

One week ago, Stephen Colbert and Alan Cumming ended the war between the sexual orientations with "Oopsie-Daisy Homophobe."

Today, to confront the oldest scourge of all, I present "Casual Anti-Semite,” which I envision as a duet between Chris O'Donnell and Matisyahu, or possibly between Taylor Swift and Ice-T (known collectively as Taylice), or maybe Adam Levine and 50 Cent, since they share a hatred of shirts. In any case, there's room to feature numerous other artists. Remember, if you feel outraged, that means we're undergoing some serious ethno-religious healing.

Also remember, there are no gays in Iran.

Your swastika and jackboots
Have me shvitzing in my black suit.
Don't rag on Hasidic style
And I'll forget your Sieg Heil

 If you don’t judge my summer camps
 I’ll forget the concentration camps.
[Pitbull: Torquemada, Intifadah/ Masada--¡de nada!]

Let's share some Manischewitz
Conversate Auschwitz.
[Bieber: Imma be frank/ bout A Frank. Shawty dies of typhus/ But her tale's timeless.]

If you don’t judge my challah braids
I’ll forget the Crusades.
No mergers and acquisition
I’ll ignore the Inquisition.

If you don't judge my peyos 
I'll forget the ghettoes. 
My bad for poisoning your wells
With my gefilte-fishin' smells. 

Sorry for killing your Lord
And all the gold that we hoard.
I don't blame Henry Ford
Or that Klansman with his sword.

All you Yidden and you shiksas.
We gotta find some fixes.
Now what do you say?
[Aguilera: So don’t you Jew me down today… oy vey!]

Meh-ness II Society

This isn't the way I thought I'd come out of my paternity leave from this blog. I know RCA Rabbinical Court Judge Rabbi Michael Broyde by reputation only, but somehow his case has broken through to the mainstream media, specifically CNN http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2013/04/16/with-fake-name-revealed-top-rabbi-faces-heat/, "the most busted name in news," as commentator Yonatan Leibowitz put it. Oh, hold on a minute: he goes by Jon Stewart now, and he actually legally changed it in 2001, in his third year at his third eponymous show.

The real John Stewart

This is relevant because Broyde's mistake was creating (along with a friend) his own stage name, as it were: Goldwasser.  He used this online identity for years, and it gave him a lot of access.

Now, let's be clear. Broyde did 3 things that were very clearly wrong:

1. He submitted an academic article for publication under this pseudonym without notification.
2. He joined another rabbinical organization (IRF) under this pseudonym.
3. He denied this initially when he was caught.

Is any of this criminal? No. Is any of it academically sanctionable? Probably not. Is any of it ethically questionable? Most definitely. But from the associated furor, you'd think that Goldwasser had been molesting, raping or embezzling.

Not Goldwasser, but his Grandpa was!
But what kind of presidential name is "Barry"?

I bring these crimes up, because they're, y'know, actual crimes, some of which are being committed or have been committed serially by those calling themselves rabbis. Last week I spent an hour being questioned about a former neighbor, pastor and principal of mine who is being investigated for actual crimes. He's the latest in an unfortunately long line. Three out of five Jewish educational institutions I've worked for over the past 15 years have had sex scandals involving high-ranking rabbis (which I am assuredly not) right before I got there or soon after I left. Those are some scary numbers.

So did Broyde do something wrong? Yup. But ultimately it seems to be an extension of something we've all done: maintaining different e-mail accounts and usernames, choosing different identities for use among coworkers, family, friends or fellow fans of Rabbi Yochanan/ Reish Lakish slashfic. It crossed into some ethically gray areas, but as long as there are real predatory Jewish clergy out there--or as I call them, Rabbis of Unusual Sinfulness (R.O.U.S.'s)--how about we concentrate our fury on them?

The Mourning After

Most people would tell you that the death of Moses is the last event recorded in the Torah, but that's not quite true; the narrative ends one month later (Deut. 34:8): "So the Israelites wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days; then the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were completed." That means that the Torah does not end on the 7th of Adar, the date of Moses' birth over three millennia ago, as well as his death; instead, it concludes today, on the 7th of Nisan. However, this verse seems wholly superfluous. Why do we need to know how long the mourning lasted, and why do we need to know that it ended?

Setting aside this question for a moment, another detail is remarkable (v. 6): "No man knows his burial place until this day." This is the universal translation, but the fact is that the Hebrew literally reads: "No man knew his burial place." After all, the verse gives a location: "And He buried him in the valley in the land of Moab, opposite Beth-Peor." This is the location both of the Israelites' settlement in the desert (ibid. 3:29) and the site of Moses' final speech (4:46). Actually, we find a similar formulation in Moses' own words: "God did not give you a heart to perceive, and eyes to see, and ears to hear, until this day" (29:3-4). It is the lack of knowledge that ends "this day." The Torah seems to be telling us that Moses' grave was unknown until the month of mourning was over, at which the point the Torah was finally completed and transmitted and the information revealed. Why?In Jewish tradition, there are two types of mourning: twelve months for parents and thirty days for siblings and other close relatives. To which group does Moses belong? He answers this question himself, promising: "Lord your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among your own brothers" (18:15). This successor is not meant to be Moses' prophetic equal, as the Torah declares (34:10): "There has never been another prophet in Israel like Moses, whom God knew face to face." However, his heirs are "like Moses" in their being "from among your own brothers". Moses is a brother. We are all God's children (14:1), not Moses'. Ultimately, it is important for us to know that Moses was human, fallible and imperfect, a person who was born, died and was buried. He gets the same thirty days of mourning as any brother. During that time, the location of his grave is not revealed, as the physical reality of the loss would be too traumatic; but when the pain begins to subside, it is essential to know that the Torah of Moses is now sealed, and it is time for the nation to move on.

Rapists, Rabbis and Reprobacy

Down at the bottom of the list of passages for your bible study group are the laws of rape, in both statutory (Ex. 22:15-16) and forcible (Deut. 22:28-29) flavors. Those people who love citations condemning various forms of consensual sex don't seem to be familiar with the non-consensual verses. Even worse, some outwardly religious people claim that they're doing God a favor by hushing up these scandals. But what does the Torah say?
Simply put, it codifies a punishment of fifty silver shekels, to be paid to the family, after the offender has been tried, testified against and convicted. While this may seem insufficient in modern times, the hopelessly rural countryside of tribal Israel did not have maximum-security prisons. You had to pay the silver or the stone price, and indeed some rapists receive the latter (Deut. 22:25-27). What's the significance of fifty silver shekels? It's the highest rate for buying back someone who's been dedicated to the Temple, enough to buy a homestead (Lev. 27:3, 16). In other words, the offender's soul is lost, and he must buy it back from his victim. It is ransom. 
However, this is not the end of it. While the fine serves to punish the offender, this does not begin to compensate the victim. The Talmud (Ketubot 39a) rules: "Thus, a statutory rapist makes three payments: the fine, and compensation for embarrassment and damages. A forcible rapist makes four payments: the fine, and compensation for embarrassment, pain and damages." Of course, in addition, as in any case of assault, "Still, he must pay for loss of work and must provide for a complete healing" (Ex. 21:19).
Considering all of this, who would dare to say that the Torah advocates cover-ups and silence? 

This week, an incident came to light in the "religious" town of Modiin Illit, better known as Kiryat Sefer, which literally means "Booktown". Yeah, that Book, the Good one, which apparently the rabbis who run it are using to prop up their tables, because they surely aren't reading it. The local rabbi promised on Wednesday that this story would disappear, and by Thursday the lone witness had recanted. By the way, almost simultaneously, a Jerusalemite (pictured above) confessed to multiple acts of sexual abuse against girls whose homes he'd been invited to for Shabbat dinner. Yup, the rabbis tried to cover up this one too. 

In the good ol' days, rabbinical courts used to hand out draconian punishments to sexual offenders. Nowadays, all too often, they seem to be protecting them from the authorities. All who are sickened by this have to speak out, Orthodox Jews more than anyone. We have to discuss these difficult issues, and return to our sources. Silence and dissimulation are not the Torah way, and there is no greater blasphemy and desecration of God's name than protecting the predators and vanishing the victims. I think it was Isaiah who said (1:27) "Zion will be redeemed through justice." 

The Hur Locker

It's fitting that we read the portion of Beshallach on the 15th of Shevat, Jewish Arbor Day, encountering Joshua for the first time (Exodus 17:9). He will be the one to ultimately bring the Israelites into the Promised Land and plant its trees. However, he is not the only prominent figure to debut in this portion; in the following verse, we read: "So Joshua did as Moses told him and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron and Hur went up to the peak." Moses, 80 years young, needs support for his arms as he raises the staff of God, but whom does he choose? His 83-year-old big brother, Aaron, and the mysterious Hur.

A quick consultation of the First Book of Chronicles, Chapter 2, tells us that Hur was from the tribe of Judah, a first cousin of Aaron's father-in-law, Amminadab. He would seem to be the last of his generation, the grandchildren of those who came down to Egypt with Jacob in their youth. Why does Moses recruit men older than he to assist him? 

Let us set this question aside for a moment as we consider another interesting genealogical detail from First Chronicles. In Chapter 7 (22-27) , we find that Nun, Joshua's father, is the son of Elishama, a tribal prince. Thus, we find Moses recruiting a prince's grandson and a prince's cousin. And what of Aaron himself? When he is introduced (Ex. 4:14), he is referred to as "the Levite," and we later see that Aaron is in practice the prince of the tribe of Levi (Num. 17:17-18).

As Moses ascends to the peak, he is not looking for home health aides. Instead, he is assembling a triumvirate, representing the three clans who will dominate Jewish history: Judah, the house of Joseph and Levi. This pattern repeats throughout the millennia: Samuel, Saul and David establish the monarchy; Solomon, Benaiah and Ahijah the Shilonite build the First Temple; Mordecai, Ezra and Nehemiah build the Second; Elijah and the scions of Joseph and David are destined to build the Third. It all follows the Horeb template, established by Moses.
  
With the elections over, Israel's politicians must now come together to form a government. It can be a narrow coalition, or it can be a broad one, drawing from different sectors and segments of the population. If we follow the Horeb template, the next government of Israel will be the one that represents all of its citizens. 

The Prince and the Elder

Three days ago, we read the Torah portion of Bo. (Don't worry, we can still talk about it until sunset today.) Throughout Chapter 12, the central part of Bo, we find some very distinguished terms: "the entire Israelite congregation... per paternal house" (3), "assembly" (6), "by your families" (21) and "by their hosts" (51).
All of these words are found in the first chapter of the Book of Numbers: "Raise the head of the entire Israelite congregation by their families, by their paternal houses" (2); "And they assembled the entire congregation" (18); "And the Israelites will camp, each one by his camp and each one by his banner, to their hosts" (52). There we find that Moses and Aaron are assisted by the tribal princes, but the fact that the Torah uses these genealogical terms in the preparations for leaving Egypt tells us that the princes are already fulfilling this function. They are not mentioned explicitly until the next portion, Beshallach, in the passage of the manna (16:22), but when the Israelites are organized by family, paternal house and host, it is clear that these tribal leaders are exercising their authority. 
 
What happened to the elders? As we saw previously, they are not impressed by Moses' sign in Exodus 4, and they in fact challenge him and Aaron in Exodus 5. In the next chapter, Moses finds that he has lost the people as well. God is about to tell him what to do, but the Torah interrupts the flow of the story to list the genealogy of Moses and Aaron (vv. 14-28). Then God sends Moses to Pharaoh once again, but with an important addition: "Bring out the Israelites from the land of Egypt by their hosts" (6:26); "I will take my hosts, my people, the Israelites, out of the land of Egypt with great acts of justice" (7:4). Perhaps Moses has lost the elders, but there are also princes, and as the Torah informs us, the first among their ranks, Judah's Nahshon son of Amminadab, is Aaron's brother-in-law! So they have a backup plan.

What separates the princes from the elders? The princes symbolize top-down patrician leadership, and their paradigm is the monarchy. The elders symbolize bottom-up meritocratic leadership, and their paradigm is the Sanhedrin, Israel's ancient supreme court and parliament. At the height of the excitement of the Exodus, we know that there is a rift among the leaders and the original plan has been set aside, so it's not exactly surprising that later on, there are crises and complaints. If Moses and the elders had been able to work together, who knows what would have happened to the generation of the desert!

Today are the elections for the Nineteenth Knesset; this is the time to think about proper leadership, superior leadership, leadership which comes from the people, based on ability and talent, not on nepotism and connections. There is a place for princes (or "presidents", in modern Hebrew), but it is the elders who can represent the people and pass laws to benefit them. Happy Election Day!